There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
