ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
