I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
