I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
