Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
