I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
