I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
