Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
