Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
