Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If I had your ass I would rule the world
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
