I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
