apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
