There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
