so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
