i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
