Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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