Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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