He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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