Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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