gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
