people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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