You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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