i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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