Dual....:-)
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
