im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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