I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You can't special order awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
