apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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