beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
