You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
