My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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