Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
