Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
