Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you win again, gameday.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
