I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
