I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
