She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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