It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
