oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
last night I used snow as a chaser
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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