i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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