Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
