69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
