You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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