Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
