Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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