I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
