Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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