I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
