I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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