One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
