All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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