you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
