dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize