I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize