So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
