The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
