I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
