if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
