Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
