Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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