My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
