I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Randomize
