You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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