There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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