Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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