My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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